Miller Lite Vortex Bottle

Miller Brewing Company have a new idea to sell more beer. It's called the Vortex Bottle. The bottle has angled grooves inside the neck in order to deliver the beer quicker and more smoothly to it's destination. Science (and nature) has proven that air or liquid will move quicker and easier through a tube if it is rotating, hence the rifling on the inside of the bottle.

Mmmmmmm Beer
Mmmm, beer
Having tasted Miller Lite I can understand the need to make the experience pass as quickly as possible, ideally delivering the 'beer' at such a speed that it totally bypasses the taste buds.

The other big players in the US beer market have reacted slowly to the Vortex bottle, but we expect to see Coors Light delivering their beer at even higher speed before the end of this year with their patented 'Explosive Charge' can. Once the open can is angled at 15 degrees to the ground a small amount of C4 detonates and forces the beer out of the can, into the mouth, and down the throat of the drinker at speeds in excess of 18 miles per hour.

It seems that Anheuser Busch are taking a slightly different path to the new 'bypass' gimmick with their soon to be available Michelob Golden Draft Potty Pack. The consumer simply attaches the handy 12 pack above the toilet, opens a bottle and then pours it straight down the crapper, bypassing the entire taste and digestive system, with the bonus of not having to urinate constantly.

Miller Lite Vortex Bottle

Penguin Rating
1 Slap - Weak
Weak

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